#2. The Problem With Sokoto

Sokoto Market

Image via Wikipedia

First things first, let’s face it; it’s a state many people don’t even remember when listing all the others.

Secondly, the weather is absolute crap. It’s hot and dry and sleepy and dusty and irritating.

For people like myself with soft skin and “sweet blood” (weird, right?!), it is absolute torture. Standing outside for more than five minutes means running back in with huge, ugly red swellings from the gazillion bites of numerous unidentifiable insects, winged and crippled. And no matter the precautions of the night before, each day I awaken to a rich harvest of mosquito bites, all grown and ripened overnight.

Horror of all horrors, there is virtually nowhere to shop! Everything is low-quality, mass-produced, mass imported crap. The very few things that manage to excite are, naturally, ridiculously overpriced.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, on to the real problem with Sokoto. TESTOSTERONE IS EVERYWHERE!!! Everything male follows you with eyes that make you, a seasoned woman, blush and lower your head in embarrassment. The young boys, the young adults, the recently married, the middle-aged, pot-bellied, the old, shrivelled-up men!

You feel shame on their collective behalf, deep pity for their deluded, miserable wives; shame floods your being when they shamelessly talk rubbish, making abject fools of themselves.

You are shocked into mute confusion when your (married, grey-haired, old) superior tells you point-blank that he wants you; he is experienced and will make you “forget your name after one round”. You stand stock-still, as though hypnotized, as he comes as close as his pot belly will allow. Slow motion takes over as you watch his pudgy hand reach out in the general direction of boob and you see the slimy intent in his beady, repulsive eyes. Cue the ice-cold shock of reality and a hasty retreat…

 

The Benefits of Sokoto

Okay, so it’s not all bad. Firstly, life is cheap… relatively so, anyway, so meat and (relatively) fresh veggies are a given. Also, transportation is dirt cheap.

Life in Sokoto forces you to forge strong, close friendships. You make real, good friends and are literally stuck with them; there just isn’t much else to do.

Now that’s out of the way….

The best thing about Sokoto is the testosterone! I know, right?! Total (male) strangers stare and smile at you, your bike man drools when you struggle to describe where you’re going, a car follows you across town because the dude wants your name, compliments come at you like the ubiquitous insects. In Sokoto, you are hot, baby!

Hahahaha!!! 🙂

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