Size Matters


Imagine, if you will, a couple of young lovers, separated by distance for, oh, let’s say eight months. Why eight? Well, it’s a long enough time to go without being face to face with one you love and have come to depend upon. So, eight months down the line, eight months of surviving on dodgy Skype (they are Nigerians, one of them is in Nigeria, and our network always sucks), crackly calls and slow-delivering Whatsapp messages, the guy decides to surprise her and comes back unannounced. He calls her with a private number and idly asks where she is and what she’s going to be doing that day. Now when he gets the info he’s looking for, namely her location, Oga storms the place like a boss and calmly calls out to her. Being that he’s quite literally the last person she is expecting to see, she freezes there for a few seconds, assuming the shape of praying mantis interrupted during a feed.
Then she shrieks and flies into his arms, giving into the unbridled joy that lifts her off her feet and aims her legs towards Oga’s waist, where the said appendages fully intend to wrap themselves.
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Peero’s Avi

Gail was thoroughly frustrated with this her so-called boyfriend. Dude was soooo annoying, wallahi. The guy seemed to wake up and dedicate his entire day to pissing her the hell off these days. What made it worse was that their families had already done an informal introduction and all that rubbish. This is what she would be stuck with all her life.
Was he always this irritating? She tried to cast her mind back to three weeks before, when all their relationship wahala seemed to have blossomed into a full-time vexing competition. Sadly, she was hard pressed to remember him as anything but an asshole. If he carried on this way, honestly, she would give it back to him fire for fire. This Jos wouldn’t be big enough for the two of them.
Funny enough, what were they even arguing about sef? Rubbish-rubbish things, ne fa! Right now, he was raising hell because he ‘’found out’’ that she had gone to visit her ex in the hospital. Err, who wouldn’t?! The poor guy was in that beer parlour that they blew up the other day!
Dude survived a friggin’ bomb blast! Why ever shouldn’t she go to see him and add to the growing pile of oranges by his hospital bed?
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Crossing Lines


Being anything other than friends was an idea that had never occurred to her. Which is why she didn’t really see anything wrong in walking down the stretch of wooded road with him that evening, holding his hand, talking, laughing, and leaning into him now and then.
They had done this countless times before. Theirs was the kind of open friendship that no one believed could exist anymore. Not between a man and a woman. Not unless either of them was gay.
They shared everything. He met all her boyfriends and she interviewed all his girlfriends, to be sure they had good intentions.
This thought floated briefly through her head as he led them to a tree with a low branch, sat on it, turned her around and sat her down in his lap. She was in the middle of gisting him about her annoying colleague at work, exaggerating everything just a little bit because she loved to make him laugh.
His voice, soft, low, serious, and scared, in her ear put a stop to her excited chattering.
‘’I love you.’’
They said that to each other all the time. But her bated breath, pounding heart, open mouth and wide eyes told her that this time, something was different.
Turning her head to seek out his eyes, any oddly-phrased question she might have squeaked was stolen from her lips…
He kissed her.
Slowly, tentatively, she kissed him back.
The both knew.
They were not friends anymore.

Mosa – #IllJustSayIt (I Love You)