Size Matters


Imagine, if you will, a couple of young lovers, separated by distance for, oh, let’s say eight months. Why eight? Well, it’s a long enough time to go without being face to face with one you love and have come to depend upon. So, eight months down the line, eight months of surviving on dodgy Skype (they are Nigerians, one of them is in Nigeria, and our network always sucks), crackly calls and slow-delivering Whatsapp messages, the guy decides to surprise her and comes back unannounced. He calls her with a private number and idly asks where she is and what she’s going to be doing that day. Now when he gets the info he’s looking for, namely her location, Oga storms the place like a boss and calmly calls out to her. Being that he’s quite literally the last person she is expecting to see, she freezes there for a few seconds, assuming the shape of praying mantis interrupted during a feed.
Then she shrieks and flies into his arms, giving into the unbridled joy that lifts her off her feet and aims her legs towards Oga’s waist, where the said appendages fully intend to wrap themselves.
Now, we know that the girl in question has added the slight hint of extra weight since her love was snatched out of her time zone. Food is the only safe comfort when one needs to be cuddled but there is no one around to do it. Food, hot beverages, and warm clothing filled the void that lack of love and physical intimacy created.
It therefore follows that she requires a strong, well built, BIG guy who can lift all the extra loving she has built up.


So she flies into his strong, manly arms, and being a big guy, he’s fully braced to hold her weight, and holds her there for quite a while as they hold, smell and kiss each other.
Imagine how this lovely scene would pan out if the guy were to be some puny, glasses-wearing type nerd (no offence to those who wear glasses, skinny guys, or nerds).
It would be like that “lifting water” disappointment. You know, when you think there’s water in a jerry can, so you brace yourself to lift it up, and then discover it’s empty. You know how your arm swings impotently? That’s it. The disappointment of running up to someone who can’t carry you is massive.


Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I really don’t want to go further; my family reads this blog.
However, QED, ergo, thus, in conclusion, size matters.
Forget what they say about how, it’s not the size of the gong but the quality of sound it makes, it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean, small but mighty, etc, etc.
Know what you want and let it work for you. Simple :d



This post was partly inspired by these posts by Elnathan and TNC.

Special shout out to Spacyzuma.


26 thoughts on “Size Matters

  1. I saw wah u did dia in that last pic….hehehehehehehehehe. I was chuckling so hard ehn!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…ori iya mi o!!!

    Now, about the size thingy….size is not everything. If he couldn’t “lift” her, they can both tumble to the floor…couch or somewhere and from there move on….PAUSE!!!

  2. Size does matter but not for the reasons you may think… sometimes I wish I could get downsized myself, as it’s too easy to bruise if you’re bigger than the average. It’s hard to find “raincoats” that properly cover your “head” without half strangling you to death, so that’s another problem… also, people tend to “arrive” way too quickly when you’re extra large, so you had better get used to half eaten food unless you wanna continue and risk post-orgasmic dry bruising…Just like most things in this life, the grass is always greener on the other side of the spectrum. The key is to find the sweet spot in the middle…

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