Saturday Is Wedding Day

Saturday is wedding day.

In other parts of the world(I assume), Saturdays are for resting, catching up on personal projects, meeting up with friends and family, or simply recovering from the previous night’s hangover.
In Nigeria, Saturdays are for weddings. Washing clothes and attending weddings. I hate both.
I mean, it’s like someone blows a trumpet somewhere and all of a sudden everyone is rushing out with buckets and heaps of dirty clothes. Younger siblings are sent to the neighbourhood shop to buy washing soap and Ariel N15, while one sister is somewhere inside frying akara or chips or eggs for breakfast. So, washing done, breakfast consumed, out come the outfits selected for the day, to be ironed while NEPA is happy.
Then the strategies come out. How many people are going to the same wedding, so they can ride together. Is there more than one wedding that day? Which one deserves a church attendance, and which holds the promise of a more interesting reception. And so on.
Honestly I don’t get the fascination.
In all my years on earth, I can recall about 7 weddings I’ve attended. And most of them were my siblings’, so attendance was kind of mandatory by blood or something.
If I were still living at home, my mom and I would have our Saturday wedding conversation, something like this:
Mum: Ehen, Mrs. So-and-so’s son is getting married today, shey you will come with me?
Me: Nooooo Mummy.
Mum: *genuinely puzzled. Every single time* Ah-ahn, why naw?
Me: I don’t want to go.
Mum: But are you going somewhere else?
Me: No, I’ll be at home.
Mum: Let’s go, so you can see what is happening, see how people are doing things.
Me: *laughing in a blushy way, this woman is so funny*
Mum: So you will know how to do your own too…
Me: *ah. There it is*
Mum: …and so people can also attend yours.
Me: But I don’t want people to attend mine!
Mum: Don’t say so!
This usually goes on till she gets dressed and leaves me to breathe a deep sigh of relief. Then when she gets back, I am regaled with stories of how the hall was decorated and “how people are doing things now”.
To be honest, it’s all just a big show for strangers and the bride. It is unnecessary expense and too much tension for just one day. It’s a social competition. Sometimes it’s the thing a narcissistic couple will do to have all eyes on them, at least just once, before they move on to the drudgery of everyday life…
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve nothing against marriage itself. I just hate weddings.
The only redeeming aspect of weddings is the after party!!! Two of my siblings did this and I simply CANNOT, for the life of me, understand why more people don’t have them :s
Anyways, that’s just my small, wobbly take on this. Go forth and enjoy the day’s wedding lineup.




4 thoughts on “Saturday Is Wedding Day

  1. hilarious take on weddings! I’ve only ever met one other person who hates weddings. I agree they can be boring, especially the speeches which can go on and on, blaring out of speakers so loud you can’t hear them. I do love the fashion though. Nothing however is worse than a wedding with sub-standard food!

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