Pepper

It was years ago when I realized I probably wouldn’t do very well in the “landing men who take me seriously” department. The year was maybe 2006, I was still mop-skinny; thin body, big head. To make things worse I actually had on this weave at that time which had been put together by a hairdresser who maybe was a carpenter in her previous life… Anyway, the weave made my head look much bigger, is the point I’m trying to make.

I was particularly sullen during this period of my life because my mother had strong-armed me into going with her to Ibadan, to see some relatives I knew next to nothing about, save that they must exist, since she spoke of  them from time to time. There I was introduced to a girl to whom I am (allegedly) related, who took it upon herself one fine day, to take me out and “show me the town”. This, for the most part, consisted of us doing a lot of walking and waiting for cabs. We eventually got to her friend’s place, where I was mostly left to fend for myself while they chattered and laughed animatedly. During this entire time, I observed how much male attention my cousin was getting. No, she’s not particularly gorgeous, neither was she provocatively dressed that day. No, what they were getting high on was her condescension.
She seemed to naturally have this “you ain’t shit” facial expression which intensified into a proper sneer whenever a guy engaged her in eye contact or conversation. This mysterious look of contempt seemed, without fail, to drive men crazy. It was particularly weird because she was multitasking; talking, gesticulating, looking right and left to cross the road, sneering, laughing… It was all rather brilliant, really.
Her friend and I (warm, non-sneering individuals) were getting zero attention from the fellas, even though her friend was the most conventionally beautiful of the three of us.
My conclusion; men like women who drive them mad. Men will become putty in the hands of a woman who “shows them pepper”, who makes life difficult and manufactures unnecessary hoops for them to jump through. I think I’ve attempted this pepper life a couple of times, but I can never be trusted to follow through because I annoy myself and self-loathing is a very terrible thing.
I have made my peace with my romantic demographic; non-pepper loving individuals who have come to terms with the fact that sometimes pepper is what stands in the way of happiness and peace of mind.
Wish me luck, guys. This demographic is quite small. I think there are only about twenty men in this group.
And three of them are senior citizens.
And four of them are gay.
And three of them live in Norway.
So…

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Yours,
@MsMeddle

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