Mistress in Distress


Seun checked the wall clock for the umpteenth time.
This was really disturbing. She picked up her phone and dialled his number.
No answer.
She was pacing around the living room now, walking off her worry. He was supposed to have come home by 7:30, 8pm at the very latest. And he usually called or sent a message on bbm just before leaving the office. Why would today be any different?
She realized she was dialling his number yet again, and was a bit freaked out to see that she’d tried calling him 17 times. No answer again. She typed him a hasty text message; NOT FUNNY, CALL ME! and decided to distract herself for about 30 more minutes, else she’d go insane with fear and worry. Abi was kidnapping now a thing in this same Abuja???! Continue reading



I flash back quickly to that day.

We had gone on a road trip, and ended up in a little hotel in a quiet area, small city on the outskirts of a big town. The heat was doing our heads in and the constant airconditioning provided by the hotel was pure bliss. Nothing like vaseline, or body lotion of any kind had touched my skin in weeks. But of course, such skin-peace was ill-fated; soon I began to feel dried out, and it was embarassing going out because I had only packed short things but those short things showed off my white, scaly skin.

He woke me up one morning and asked if I wanted to come run errands with him. I said no, because 7am was an ungodly hour for me on holiday. So I slept, stretched languidly across the crisp white sheets, rolling cat-like from time to time, flirting with the idea of waking up, but never quite sealing the deal. Some minutes before 11 I decided I was ripe enough for a bath, and unhurriedly went about cleaning myself. When I was done, I made the bed because I could already hear him say, when he would eventually come back, “You can’t make bed?”  and I chuckled a little because I already knew  him that well. I settled in to watch Big Bang Theory, and was laughing softly when his call came in. How was I doing, what should he bring back to our lair for my breakfast, small talk. Looking down at my reptilian skin later, I texted him to buy me a little tub of vaseline, and even after I pleaded and he argued that he wouldn’t just randomly come across vaseline sellers where he was, we sort of left the topic open-ended.

I threatened him with the classic, “You think you are doing me, you are doing yourself because when we go out I’ll embarrass you with my whiteness” and I smiled as I typed that, because I wished we were in the same place so I could watch him laugh, and soak up the twinkle in his eyes until it passed…

He came back bearing food, which was great enough. Until he pulled out a tiny tub of vaseline. It was a brand I hated, but I really hadn’t expected him to buy any at all. I jumped up and down in excitement, pinned him to the wall and made kissy faces at him while he tried to push me off.


“Are you this cheap, you shoulda just told me all it took is vaseline. Jeez, I wouldn’t have wasted all this time and effort.”

I come back from my reverie and focus my gaze on the tub of vaseline. I’d thrown it in a seldomly used handbag, and there it was…

And I guess, really, I miss you.



Instant Flash: Bracelet

I am in a bus headed for Asaba. There’s a skinny fair guy sitting next to me who’s been making small talk with the third person at the back, an elderly lady. I’ve come to realize that my girlfriend lied; Asaba is apparently further away than the four hours she promised, and it’s in no way going to be a smooth ride, if the present rough road is anything to go by.
I’m trying to sleep to eat up the kilometres, but there is really nowhere to rest my head. I glance towards my skinny neighbour and access his profile. Glasses, very little facial hair. I quite suddenly want to grab his head and kiss him. It’s not my fault. I love to kiss but this single life won’t let me prosper…
Continue reading


Single 3



Single 2

“I called Frank and told him it’s over. “
Grace was really grateful that Sade had come all the way to stay the night with her after their bbm conversation earlier. It felt good, not being alone.
“Aww, poor girl. Forget him jor. It’s not like you really loved him sef.”
Grace smiled sadly at her, putting on a brave face to reassure her friend.
“Aaaaaanyway,” Sade got up from the bed, mischievous gleam in her eye.
“We are drinking!” she brandished a bottle of merlot in one hand.
“And we are going dancing!”
Sade held up a tiny, electric blue dress in the other hand while Grace laughed excitedly and covered her face with her hands.
“I can’t believe you bought me the dress! Oga Mike, fa?” Grace managed to ask, perching on the edge of her bed.
“Don’t you trust me?! Oga Mike is on standby. Oya, stand up!”
Oga Mike was the cab driver they used whenever they went night – crawling.
An hour later, they made their way to Ice, their favorite nightclub, giggling away comfortably with Mike.
Determined to have fun and push all man-troubles aside, the two girls set fire to the dance floor, teasing a few guys but making it clear they didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.
All giggled out, Grace and Sade tumbled out of Mike’s car and into Grace’s apartment at about 3.47am, kicked off their shoes and climbed into bed fully dressed. Just before drifting off into her alcohol-induced sleep, Grace groggily checked her phone to stop the insistently blinking red light.

You stopped my heart in that blue dress.
Would that I could nurse your hangover in the morning…
Sleep sweet, my sweet.




Photo credits: www.123rf.com

Photo credits: http://www.123rf.com

It was sorely lacking in Kiru’s life. Stuck with her near-predictable boyfriend and mundane job, she often wished that excitement would creep up and bite her in the ass, just this once.
She decided to spend Independence Day on her own. She went to a corner of the Old Market that she’d never been to, staring shamelessly in shop windows. Her breath caught in her chest when she saw them.
Red shoes. Stiletto heels. Sexy. Sophisticated. Continue reading