isn’t it funny how I frantically tried everything, stubbornly believing there was a solution to this? I did it all; getting under others, drinking, partying, drugs, crying, painting, questioning, praying, oh so much praying. nothing worked. I continued to float through my own life, walking dead. ironic, because I hate that fucking show. I wonder how I did it, how I lived through the many breakdowns. crying mid-sentence in public places. not answering phone calls because there was a perpetual lump of pain stuck in my throat and it hurt. everything hurt. Read more
Tade thought back to when he’d first met her in Coolidge nightclub two years ago. He hadn’t been in party mood until the DJ went mental with his old school mix. He spotted her shortly after, dancing and mouthing the lyrics to every song…
He’d stepped up to her, mind blown because she matched his every move. Five songs later his hard-on was poking into the small of her back and she gyrated deliberately, turning to smile naughtily at him every now and again.
at some point she led him into the bathroom and it was just a thrilling blur of clashing body parts and hunger and cramped spaces and the fear of being caught and satisfaction.
Gail was thoroughly frustrated with this her so-called boyfriend. Dude was soooo annoying, wallahi. The guy seemed to wake up and dedicate his entire day to pissing her the hell off these days. What made it worse was that their families had already done an informal introduction and all that rubbish. This is what she would be stuck with all her life.
Was he always this irritating? She tried to cast her mind back to three weeks before, when all their relationship wahala seemed to have blossomed into a full-time vexing competition. Sadly, she was hard pressed to remember him as anything but an asshole. If he carried on this way, honestly, she would give it back to him fire for fire. This Jos wouldn’t be big enough for the two of them.
Funny enough, what were they even arguing about sef? Rubbish-rubbish things, ne fa! Right now, he was raising hell because he ‘’found out’’ that she had gone to visit her ex in the hospital. Err, who wouldn’t?! The poor guy was in that beer parlour that they blew up the other day!
Dude survived a friggin’ bomb blast! Why ever shouldn’t she go to see him and add to the growing pile of oranges by his hospital bed?
Dave absolutely irritated her. She really wasn’t sure why, and didn’t care to find an explanation for it. Dipping her head to sip from her wide-brimmed mayrtini glass, she peered at him over its rim. Bella mumbled “Mumu guy” under her breath and turned around to look at other people. It was a work do, and attendance was mandatory, else she’d have stayed home quite happily. As usual at parties and social events, she stood on the fringe of things, by the drinks table this time, watching her colleagues and their guests laughing, dancing, living.
She was just fumbling for her phone so she could check the time and countdown to when she could safely sneak off when she felt a presence behind her.
“So, how did that make you feel?”
“Well, obviously… sad. And a bit tired.”
“Tired? How do you mean?”
“Let’s face it; you have a bit too much of something and it begins to lose its initial appeal. I mean, at first, all I wanted to do was ‘go with the flow’. If the opportunity came along, I usually just took it and asked questions later. It’s not that I was boy-crazy or overly curious, it’s just that… I didn’t find the one who would inspire me to give up searching and just sit still.”
Dr. Henry looked at her over his glasses, nodding encouragingly, like every good shrink does.
“Why don’t you just keep talking till you feel better, Kate.”
She twisted her fingers and sighed deeply.
“I’ve always wanted male attention.” She laughed and looked straight at him.
“But after a while, it all got a bit… old, you know? It’s all so superficial, really. And what kills is that I regret most of the stuff I’ve done and half the time I wasn’t even enjoying it to begin with. I read this novel, and in it the girl classified guys into two; meals and snacks. The snacks are the ones you have in-between meals. They’re not really satisfying, sometimes don’t even taste that great. Maybe it’s just the wrapper that caught your eye. And then there are the meals. Satisfying. Fulfilling. Good enough to make you give up on snacks. And that’s what I feel for Mike.”
She took a big pause here, blinking rapidly and staring wide-eyed at Dr. Henry.
“Go on,” he urged.
“He’s just great, really. He can listen to me and take me seriously, give me advice, make criticisms, make me laugh… and other lovely things with his hands…”
Dr. Henry noted her smile, the laughing eyes.
The smile faded quickly, replaced by a mixture of fear and worry.
“But I’m so scared that now that I’ve figured out what I want, I’m so scared that he’ll be the one looking for the snacks! I guess it’s some kind of guilt thing. That I feel I must be made to pay for my past, but that’s the way I feel.”
“So, what are you going to do about your fear?”
“Well, I’ve actually made a decision, And I’m going to stand by it.”
He saw the determined gleam in her eyes and inched forward.
“Oh? What decision is that?”
“I’ve thought it all out. I’m not going to back out of this because of the fear that I’ll get hurt. If I do get hurt, it’ll be devastating, but I’ll pick myself up eventually. Life goes on. But…what if I don’t get hurt? What if this is real? It’s the principle of the glass being half full, if you ask me. Not half empty. Not at all.
“You see, I love him. And I always want to be with him, even when we’re fighting. I know that relationships these days are full of lies and deceit, but I want him, all or nothing. And I think we just might be that exception to the rule.”
For the first time in forty-five minutes, he watched Kate lean back fully, casual, at ease, yet with a calm inner strength seeping out.
“So what’s your conclusion?”
“Hmm. You see, people often tell me I act older than my age. Now I’m ready to be my age. With Mike. I’ve run away from stability for far too long. I think I’m ready to start rearing my armpit hair.”
Dr. Henry watched her laugh and couldn’t help but join in.
“So why’d you come to me? You seem to have it all figured out, you know what you want and you’re ready to go for it.”
“Well, sometimes you just need to let it all out. And it helps a lot more if your listener’s someone who doesn’t know you and won’t judge.”
“I like that.”
“So, Doc, do you think I need another session?”
“Yes, with Mike.”
“Go ahead, and please invite me to the wedding.”
Her laughter and childishly excited face are still fresh in his mind even after she waved goodbye and walked out.
He wishes all his cases were so damned easy.