13 Things They Don’t Tell You About Working in Customer Service

For the most part, working in Customer care is:

1. Having waves of malicious mouth odour wash over you by 9.15am when you are premenstrual and nauseous and want to lie down. Oh, and you have to smile through this biological attack and wait until the source is safely out of view before dousing yourself in air freshener.

2. Realizing that you are actually just a glorified errand girl/receptionist/nanny/mummy/court jester. 

Single

Grace could barely hold her head up by the time she walked through her front door. It had been a terrible day at work at the call center, and the very last thing she wanted to hear was another human being going on about himself.
Firmly locking the door behind her (her neighbour’s kids were playing outside), she left a trail of clothes on the floor and sank gratefully into the delicious comfort that was her bed.
She only realized that her phone was in her hand when it rang shrilly, Eva Alordiah’s Lights Out piercing the peace of her fatigue.
“Hello “, she managed to croak.
“So even after you saw my missed calls, you couldn’t call back, abi? Honestly, you don’t respect me at all. Six missed calls fa!”
Shifting the phone away from her ear, she eyed it viciously, wishing he could see the annoyance she felt. Grace didn’t bother trying to explain how hectic her day had been.
She calmly ended the call and shut her eyes wearily. She really ought to fully break up with that dude. He was getting on her last nerve.
A text announced itself cheerily and she sighed in anticipation of more trouble. But no, it wasn’t from him. It was from him. Her “secret admirer” who’d been texting her for a couple weeks now. It was mostly poetry, and he made sure to switch off his phone  immediately after texting so she couldn’t call him back.
Grace smiled after reading, switched off her phone, and fell hopelessly, desperately, aggressively asleep.

P.S.
This is a phone post, so please forgive the shoddy nature of it all.

P.P.S.
Happy New Year!!!

Innuendo

 

 

Kechi stared at it in awe for a few minutes. It was huge. And juicy-looking. Stepping into the room, she closed the door behind her with a click of finality; she’d be here for a while. For as long as it took to vanquish this thing.
She held it in her hand delicately at first, inspecting it and wondering where to start. Slowly widening her mouth, Kechi pushed it in gingerly, trying to test just how much of it could fit in there. The first taste melted her inhibitions and she went on to taste it again, boldly this time.
Losing herself in the moment, she took it out of her mouth and ran her tongue up and down it instead. Slow, sensuous strokes of her tongue, savouring that unique taste and feel. It was so hard and unyielding, but still she got the impression that there was so much yummy goodness on the inside. She couldn’t wait to make it all come out of there.
She noticed a drop of fluid at the end of it and giggled like a delighted child, licking it up completely. She kept working her lips and tongue there, sucking hard to make more of that fluid come out. She loved it. Her eyes were fully closed now, all focus on the task at hand. She heard a moan and realized seconds later that it had come from her. She didn’t mind. She sucked and sucked and sucked.
And then the bone marrow flowed into her mouth.
She threw away the thoroughly violated bone, cleaned up her fingers and mouth, and left the room.